Searching for a Signal in the Darkness.
Sometimes EVE feels like a vast, cold universe with lots of opportunities, sometimes it closes in on me. I am in a tin can rattling around with the other beans, no way out. The light shining in, comes from the dark outside. EVE is a harsh mistress.
So this time I want to talk a little bit about why we play EVE. If you want you can also tell me why you play EVE or why you don’t play it. This is really about both things.
I always go through phases in my playtime. I can be very active playing hours and hours and days on end, and then stop altogether for weeks. Its troublesome for some play-styles (it is why I never would make a good industrialist or Trader) and I just about manage in wormhole space, mainly with the great support I get in my corp TRECI. While w-space needs patience and planning it also enables my sporadic random play. I can do stuff for an hour, or longer times.
It is never something like a big event that makes me stop, more a tiring feeling really. EVE's many options sometimes seem too much, or the fact that some things seem so unattainable.
Its my love and hate relationship with the skill queue. You always train and train, it takes so long and sometimes I never get there. I have recently trained Logistics V, other people then seem happy when they get to something like that, I only feel empty. Its there, I can fly a Guardian now, one of those ships I always wanted, it looks cool and I enjoy the support role it fills.
But the goal is gone, I don’t need to get there anymore, it is achieved, so something has gone missing. Maybe I need more goals, I don’t know.
What are the things I enjoy most, these might give me goals? What do I do? Hunting, flying with my cloaked ship into the unknown, exploring the new connections and star systems I encounter. Finding new weird things in there, meet other capsuleers. And blow them up. The hunt is what keeps me going many times, away past being tired and sometimes longer. It drives me like no other thing. I wonder why. It is hard and often useless, so often nothing happens.
Before i joined TRECI I had my cool-down day out of corp. So I went and visited Aldrat, the E-Unis home system, flew around and said hello. I fitted an cheap Incursus in an effort to blow up old frigates and went into lowsec faction warfare systems. Hopping that there surely must be people who would fight. Alas it was a sobering experience, no one wanted to fight and the few people I saw, were farming the systems and running, as soon as I entered system. I eventually managed to get blown up after I went back and forth a bit with one guy. But it was short and unsatisfying. I don't mind loosing a ship, but hunting empty space for several hours was not fun.
I also must confess I am too risk averse. I hesitate and miss things because of that. One day last week I found some target in the chain. I went for it and we got a fight, I lost my first ship hero- tackling and went back got another one, got caught, more sharks had come out of the dark and I lost ship and pod. All in all 330millions worth. But I couldn't have been happier. I fought learned, hunted and enjoyed the whole journey.
Obstacles to overcome are better then spinning in safety round and round and round some more. The lost pod also makes me happy as weird as it might sound. I don't have to dread loosing it anymore, I had packed to many implants in there. It was part of the problem and its gone now.
Sometimes there is truth in the sarcastic sentence we jokingly tease each other with sometimes. “Didn't want that ship anyway.” For me it shines true.
We humans are animals that dread loss and pile up stuff to avoid it. EVE hits a nerve there. I always thought EVE is more about loss then achievement. In a weird way, you never get anywhere and you like it for that. Stages of madness...
Some people quit eventually, like the great Azual Skoll:
He got eaten by EVE, the time to stay where he wanted to be, took him down, it is a wise decision to leave if you don’t enjoy it anymore. I hope he does it like I do, leave a bit, get the hunger and come back a bit. Sometimes you need to take the bitter EVE pill in small doses.
But lets not be so dramatic and depressing. When I drag myself to EVE I always get something out of it, the stories continue and the Journey goes on.
Next week will have the post I plan on ISK making in wormholes. There are fascinating ways to do stuff. I bitter-noob to much in this one I fear. Thanks for reading and feel free to write me what you do in times like these.